Perhaps what most grabs my attention about this debate is the level of support among today’s youth. Those 30 and younger more widely support gay marriage, with 63% in favor, than those who are older. For instance, support drops to 39% with Baby Boomers, and drops even lower with 35% of the Silent Generation.

While those in the Christian community often argue about whether the Bible condemns same-gender sex (and, by implication, same-gender marriage), most people in our society do not care what the Bible says. And that, I believe, is the core issue in our age.

The theme of the Old Testament book of Judges is found in Judges 21:25: “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” Without an authority figure, everyone did as they pleased. And what was the result? The people decayed morally  and their  enemies overpowered them. Ultimately, they lived in fear.

Today, the authority of God and his moral code are unknown to most people, especially those under 30–those who will be running the world in the coming years. Without a worldview that reflects the character of God, people seeking to know right from wrong will turn to the only source they have been taught is reliable: science, or popular opinion. Indeed, a growing majority of the public believes religion and morality are simply myth. The motto of this worldview was coined by Friedrich Nietzsche: ”You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it doesn’t exist.”

This same attitude is why, in the midst of today’s cultural debates, we so often hear people say, “Who am I to judge?” “If that’s what they choose, whatever.” “Each person decides for himself.” “If it works for them, fine.”

Do you see the problem with this type of thinking? The truth is up for grabs–it is defined by each individual according to their own conscience, or the conscience of those they listen to. If supporters of gay marriage convince enough people that gay marriage is a right, then it will become right–at least in the collective mind of the population. If enough people are doing it, than it must be moral. Right? How could so many people be wrong? In such a world there is no judgment, except towards those who judge.

For those, however, who believe God is real and has communicated to mankind through the words of the Bible, there is an accessible, objective, never-changing moral code. And that moral code makes it clear   that God, who created man and women,  also  created marriage. And God intended marriage to be between one man and one woman  (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31). The moment we begin to turn our eyes from God’s word to our culture or our own personal feelings is the day, like in Judges, we begin doing what is right in our own eyes.

A few years later I felt the urge to play so I called my friend and asked about the table. “I loaned it to a buddy,” he said. “No problem,” I said. “Would you let him know you want it back.” “He sold it.” “He sold my table?” “That’s right. He got a good price for it too.” “Did you tell him it wasn’t his to sell?” “Of course I told him. He said if I didn’t like it I could sue him.”

I felt like choking my friend but settled for the neck of the phone. And then I had an insight that pried my fingers from the phone and disturbed me more than the loss of my foosball table. I realized that what my friend and his buddy had done to me, I do to God all the time. I treat what belongs to him as though it’s mine.

But it’s not. The Bible makes it clear that everything belongs to God. David wrote, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it” (Psalm 24:1). In Haggai 2:8 we read, “‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the Lord Almighty.”

From childhood until death we grab hold of trinkets and toys and say, “Mine.”

But a transforming truth says it all belongs to God.

Such a truth flies in the face of observation and logic. After all, your name appears on the deed to your home and title to your car. You vividly remember paying for your shirt, slacks and shoes. You might even be able to dig up the receipt to prove the purchase. It could be you have a video recording of all your possessions in case of a fire or theft. Even your business carries your name. It all seems to be yours, doesn’t it?

Indeed, all of your stuff appears to belong to you. It’s certainly in your possession. But in God’s eyes, and in reality, you don’t own a dash, dot, drab, or drop of it. Since that’s the case, you may be wondering why you’ve got so much stuff that from every outward appearance seems to be yours. It’s because God entrusted it all to you. And he wants you to use it in a way that honors him. So take a few moments before you shut down this blog and thank God for his generosity and ask him for the wisdom to use it in a way that pleases him.

I don’t mean I shouldn’t disciple, mentor, teach, challenge and equip people to grow spiritually and live better lives. I’m referring to thinking I must share my wisdom with others by telling them how to fix themselves or solve a problem. I sometimes act as though I have the authority to do this because I’m a life-efficiency-expert. As of today, I have no such certification.

I’ll give you an example. A few hours ago I called the local Mexican fast food joint that’s down the hill and placed an order. When I got there to pick up my dinner, as always, a single girl worked the cash register, taking orders (which means using the only phone in the store to accept call-in orders, enter credit card numbers for charges and make change for those paying with cash) and handing cooked food to waiting customers.

When I entered the restaurant four people stood in a lazy line in front of me and the only girl working the counter, as always, had a phone attached to her ear as she scribbled down an order on an order pad. After hanging up she punched the key pad on the phone with the numbers on the credit card she was holding in her right hand. The card belonged to the next woman in line.

Meanwhile, an order that looked like mine appeared on the counter behind her. I couldn’t actually see the food since it was in a Styrofoam container. However, the size of the container looked exactly like the container size of my last order.

Upon seeing it I waved my hand and pointed at the cooling food sitting on the counter, hoping to direct the girl to pick it up and hand it to me before it got cold. She didn’t see me.

Meanwhile, there were now three people in front of me. The previously mentioned woman with the credit card finally got her order placed and moved into the area for people whose food was either being cooked or cooling on the counter.

I got lucky because the next person in line, a teenge boy, had an order waiting which he picked up and then left.

It was at this point I got a brilliant idea. The idea flowed from my expertise in the field of customer service. I must add that I possess this expertise because I’ve been a customer most of my life. While that doesn’t set me apart from anyone else, and might even cause you to question my claim, my expertise is proven by the excellent service provided by some of the companies I’ve spoken for on the subject at hand. Those companies include, Alaska Airlines, McDonalds, Domino’s Pizza and of course, the Oregon State Police. Am I saying their excellent service resulted from my half-day seminar? Yes, I said that. But I’m joking.  The point is, I view myself as an expert whether or not I am.

I mention this so you’ll see why I quickly figured out a solution to the service problem at the Mexican food joint down the hill. And you can see why I felt qualified to tell the owner how he could improve his business AND keep my food from getting cold while I waited in line because only one girl, as always, was working the counter.

Eventually there were two people in front of me. It was then I noticed something that filled me with unspeakable joy–literally, as I would not utter such emotion in a restaurant. I observed that the man and woman weren’t standing one in front of the other. They were standing side-by-side. They were touching each other. They were a couple.

Halleluiah! I was next in line.

I returned my eyes to the clock on the wall which I had been watching with growing impatience. This I did even though I knew watching it wouldn’t speed up the delivery of my cooling enchlida.

My solution to the service issue at the restaurant was simple: Everyone on the food service team must remember they want happy customers. For this to happen the food must be served right after it’s cooked. Cold burritos and enchiladas taste nasty. If a sale has not yet started then the server should deliver the food and then take the next order or make change.

Finally, I stepped to the counter, smiled, directed the teenage girl to my food by pointing at it, paid my bill, left a tip in the one quart plastic tip jar and left. As I drove home I wondered how to tell the owner my solution.

I wrote about this experience so you’ll understand how I’m inclined to try to fix other people’s problems. This is not an isolated case.

This line of thinking led me to the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15:11-31. This amazing story of a father’s enduring love for a broken son carries another not so obvious message. Namely, the father didn’t chase down his son and try to control how he spent the money or lived his life. He made no effort to fix him. He waited for God to work in his Son’s life and then he accepted him back.

I’d like to be more like the father, and thus more like the God the father illustrates. For this to happen I need to discern when to get out of the way and let God work in the people and problems around me. That’s why I’m praying for the wisdom to ask him when I should back off or offer help. The good news is, as I live in alignment with Christ (check out this link), God is helping me not try to help others when they either don’t need or want my help.

As I wrap up this blog, my mind keeps flashing back to the clock on the wall in the restaurant where only one girl at a time works the counter. This thought causes me to feel I must confess something or forever live with it on my conscience.  I do this in a spirit of openness, in a world of political correctness where anything goes unless you don’t like it. The truth is, I’m ashamed to tell you how long I waited for my food.

I’m more ashamed to confess that I wanted to wait at least five minutes. Longer would have been better. But five minutes was the minimum I would be happy with in light of the inconvenience I endured.  I sensed, but never said, five minutes would justify my impatience. 

“So how long did you have to wait?” Cindy, my wife, asked.

“Three minutes,” I said.

“Oh, that’s not long,” she said. “I’ve waited much longer than that.”

“That makes me feel better,” I said. “But I spent the time impatiently looking at a clock.  That stretched out my three minutes.”

I’ve not called the owner. And I won’t.

I’m glad I left a tip–and it was money not advice.

Several years ago the leader of a sizable city-wide men’s ministry picked me up at the airport. I was going to speak to 600 men at a breakfast the following morning and he was driving me to my hotel. During our thirty minute drive he said, “A naked dancing girl appeared on the home page of my computer. I don’t know where she came from or how to get rid of her.”

“I’ll get rid of her” I said. “And I can tell you how she got there.”

“How?” he asked.

“Someone visited a porn site and it followed them home.”

“It wasn’t me,” he said

“Probably one of your teenage sons,” I noted.

“No way!” he declared. “My kids would never look at porn on the Internet.”

“Well, if it wasn’t you or one of your boys, it must have been your wife.”

“I don’t think so,” he said.

Even though that interchange lasted less than thirty seconds he got so angry with my suggestion that he later gave me a severe scolding.

Maybe you too believe your kids wouldn’t visit Internet porn sites. If so, consider that, according to a recent article in “Mail Online“:

1. A third of 10-year-olds have seen explicit sexual images on the Internet.

2. Four out of five 16-year-old boys and girls regularly access porn online.

3. More than a quarter of young patients being treated at a leading private clinic are receiving help for addiction to online pornography.

4. One child reported that swapping hardcore images on memory sticks between pupils at his school is “absolutely rife.”

5. 26% of young people coming to a London clinic were hooked on Internet porn.

6. Over 60% of 11 to 16-year-olds have Internet access in their own rooms.

7. 41% of seven to ten-year-olds can access the Internet from their own rooms.

8. 12% of young teens were involved in sharing intimate images of themselves.

Last night I watched the most powerful video I’ve ever seen on the danger of Internet porn to our families. Please check it out yourself. You’ll never again think of porn the same. Here’s the link.

As husbands and fathers we must take action to protect our families from an evil that will forever scar our children and destroy their ability to develop and maintain a healthy, intimate and loving relationship with the opposite sex. While we can’t place our kids in a protective bubble that will guard them wherever they go, we can provide them with a safe home. We can create an environment where they feel free to discuss what they’re looking at on the Web. Or, we can try to do so.

Another step we must take involves keeping our own minds and hearts pure by not visiting porn sites ourselves. Since my book When Good Men are Tempted was first published, I have spoken to tens of thousands of men at conferences and millions more over the radio and television. I’ve recently noticed that more men are approaching me after events confessing a porn addiction.

The problem is getting worse … much worse. And we must draw a line in the sand and say, “Not me! Not my family!”

When Paul wrote, “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18), he wasn’t making a suggestion. The question is, how do we do it?

For years I’ve been using Covenant Eyes, an accountability system to help me avoid porn sites. I’ve often noted, “I’m as safe on the Internet without accountability as a peg leg man in a forest fire.” While that visual image is funny, it represents a truth. Using Covenant Eyes, or another accountability system, means you’ve also got a friend who is your accountability partner. If you value the purity of your own soul and that of your family, get every computer and smart phone you own on CE.

A battle is raging for our families–let’s align ourselves with God and his army of men, women, and angels. It’s the only way we can be sure of victory.

Single guys and girls–if you’ve fallen, get up and protect yourselves. If you haven’t fallen–protect yourself so you won’t fall in the future.

Let’s be sure the wonderful gift of sexual intimacy is used in a way that pleases God and nurtures our soul and family.

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Years of research and experience have taught me that one difference between achievers and non-achievers is that achievers are able to get up and get going on important projects. In fact, they develop the kind of habits that enable them to consistently start and finish a project even when they don’t feel like it. And even when the project is long and suffers set-backs.

Consider the fact that the largest and most powerful locomotive in the world can be held in place by a one-inch block of wood. Placed in front of the eight drive wheels of the locomotive, the block will hold it motionless. Yet that same locomotive, with a full head of steam, can crash through a steel-reinforced concrete wall that is five feet thick.

If there is one thing we all need, it’s the discipline required to develop the right kind of habits … habits that will enable us to live with consistency and diligence.

The Apostle Paul understood the importance of discipline and wrote about this in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Every effective leader recognizes the value of consistency and diligence. As followers of Christ our spiritual lives form the core of our character. We’re to be like a runner or a boxer. A runner doesn’t stagger from one lane to another. He rivets his attention on the finish line and runs a disciplined race toward it. A boxer trains himself so he can absorb powerful blows without falling down. Similarly, Paul trained like a world-class athlete. Why? Because he wanted to have the self-control to finish the race without disqualification.

If you want to be an effective leader, identify the habits you need to build into your life so you can lead with diligence. If God has given you a vision, knock the blocks out from under your wheels and get going. Disciplined habits will give you the momentum you need to not only move forward, but to get past the barriers you’ll encounter along the way.

Everyone wants and needs another chance. That’s true in athletics, business and romance. It’s true in all of life.

If anyone ever needed a second chance it was Samson. The ancient judge had everything and lost it all because he refused to bridle his lust. Baldheaded, blind and weak–the former champion became a slave to his enemies–the Philistines. Yet, from his place of weakness and despair, Samson learned a priceless truth about God.

The prayer of Samson may have sounded like the words of a helpless and hopeless man. And they would have been except God heard him pray, “O Sovereign Lord, remember me. O God, please strengthen me just once more.” (Judges 16:28)

A moment later God restored Samson’s strength and the man the Philistines mocked, pulled down the temple, killing more in his death than he had during his life. Some think Samson’s death a great tragedy. It wasn’t. Had Samson died without learning he served the God of a second chance, then his death would have been tragic.

I’ve had men tell me, “I’ve blown plan A for my life.” I like to remind them that there are 26 letters in the alphabet and that God can use them to carry out plan B, C, and D. I urge them to never forget they serve the God, not only of a second chance, but countless chances.

Maybe you feel God has placed you on a shelf because of something you’ve done? If so, then I want you to consider that God may be going to use you to accomplish more in the future than you have in the past. If such a thought seems far-fetched–then remember this fact–you serve the God of a second chance.

It fascinates me that we tend to not only hide from each other, but from God. We talk to him as though he’s supposed to be impressed with a tough-guy act. We’re so afraid of rejection that we try to conceal ourselves from the one who already knows everything about us. By hiding from God we reveal that we don’t trust him to accept us as we are and to help us move forward in the process of becoming more like him. Such a fear of rejection is a powerful impediment to faith.

Jesus would have nothing to do with such hiding. In Gethsemane he called out to God with loud crying and tears (Mt. 26:36-46; Heb. 5:7-10). He didn’t hide the fact that he didn’t want to experience isolation from the Father. He expressed his desire to somehow bypass the suffering of the cross. Jesus did this because he knew that his Father could be trusted with his life. Three times he told his Father, “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Jesus willingly opened his hand and offered his Father his most valuable possession–his life. While God’s will often goes against the grain of our personal wishes, it’s never second best. No one who gives God their prized possessions will ever regret it.

Since that’s the case–doesn’t it make sense that we can be open with God? We don’t need to hide–we can trust him with our deepest fears and feelings? (I talk about this in Week Four of the Jesus Experiment – this chapter is transforming how I deal with fear).

It’s a pretty good joke and you’re free to use it whenever you want. Of course, it will work best if you use your actual age rather than mine. But since today is my birthday I thought I’d share a few thoughts with you about what it’s like having a higher number represent how long I’ve been on the earth.

First, I like possessing the wisdom that comes with age but dislike living in an aging body. No way would I trade what I know now for what I knew when I was twenty. Nor would I trade the depth of my relationship with God. But I’m looking forward to the new body I’ll one day receive from the Lord. If you know me, you also know I work hard to stay in shape and maintain a healthy weight. But time has taken its toll and bad knees prevent me from running, water and downhill skiing, and chasing my wife around the house. That’s why I took up scuba diving–it’s easy on the body and allows me to experience the glory of God underwater. What I’m saying is–just because I can’t do everything I once did doesn’t mean I can’t still have fun.

Second, I have a heightened awareness of the brevity of my life. While any of us could die at any moment, the tendency is to calculate our remaining days by the life expectancy of men in our country. Since the life expectancy for men in the USA is 77.6 years that means my window of life here on earth could close in 14.5 years. If you’re 20, you’ll be tempted to think you’ve got 57.6 years left to live.

The problem with such thinking is that it encourages us to think we’ve got more time than we may have. Psalm 90:2 tells us, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” I don’t think that means we should have a life-expectancy countdown clock. Rather, I think it means we should consider the value of every day and live it as if it was one of our last.

Third, I believe my greatest days of life and ministry are before me. I realize I’m at an age when many men have retired or are thinking of doing so. For some, that means they kick back, play golf, and let the days and opportunities to impact lives for Christ, casually slip by. I hope to remain in the battle and on the front line until I take my last breath. I hope to give younger men an example to follow and older men a challenge to match or exceed. I want to follow the exhortation of Paul to “Fight the good fight of faith” with the zeal of a young man and the wisdom of an old one–until the Lord calls me home.

Today, on my 63rd birthday, I commit myself to that cause. I hope you’ll lock arms with me so that together we can see a great outpouring of God’s transforming power in ourselves and those we influence.

For instance, the other day a driver was tailgating me. “Can you believe that guy is riding my bumper like that?” I said to my wife, who was riding in the passenger seat.

“The guy is rude!” I exclaimed.

Annoyed, I tapped on my brakes. Not enough to slow my movement, but enough to get the driver off my tail.

He got the message, flashed his lights, flipped me off AND moved closer to my bumper.

Because I have little patience for rude and dangerous drivers, I slowed down. As we crawled along I smiled, knowing my passive aggressive driving would serve as a painful punishment for the guy behind me.

A few minutes later I pulled into the church parking lot, with the tailing car behind me. We parked on opposites sides of the lot.

My wife was not a happy passenger and asked me how I could get mad at someone else for driving rudely, when I did the same thing myself.

I had a single word for her comment, “Ouch!”

Of course, I’m not writing about rude drivers. I’m writing about how I can judge someone else for the very thing I do myself. The driving example is just one instance of how I’m hypocritical. Hypocrisy is one of those sins most of us can spot in others without seeing it in ourselves. It’s like bad breath. If somebody else has it you want to keep your distance. But nobody can tell if their own breath is sweet or sour. We’ve all got areas of inconsistency or outright sin that we can’t see in ourselves. That’s why our family and friends need to feel safe pointing them out to us.

If we don’t welcome constructive criticism from others, we run the risk of becoming as inauthentic as a plastic pearl. The religious leaders of Jesus’ day had developed an elaborate system of rituals (masks) that enabled them to appear better on the outside than they were on the inside. Over time they convinced themselves they were truly righteous people since they so diligently obeyed all of their man-made rules. They made it their job to judge and condemn others for the very sins they unknowingly committed.

Jesus unleashed his harshest words on them because they professed a high ethic but didn’t put it into practice. He told them, “You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.” (Matthew 23:27-28).

The next time you look in a mirror, take a moment and ask yourself, “Do I have weaknesses others can see that I can’t or won’t face. Weaknesses I pretend are absent or under control? Am I the kind of person my family and friends feel safe correcting? Or am I so defensive others are afraid to point out my flaws?”

If after gazing at your image you’re not sure, ask your spouse or a friend, “Do you see weaknesses in my character that you don’t think I know about?” Becoming like Jesus demands we seek to be the same on the inside as we appear on the outside. Achieving such character isn’t a solo act; it requires the support of family and friends. While the process may be painful, it’s worth it.

Just the other day someone was tailgating me and instead of tapping on my breaks or verbally venting, I asked myself what would Jesus, feel, think, say and do in that situation. I then prayed God would bring my life into alignment with his. Amazingly, connecting with Christ this way helped me maintain my cool.

After Jesus healed the man, he begged to travel with Jesus. No wonder! What better way to show his appreciation than to be a part of Jesus’ support team? And what a powerful impact his story would have on others who were investigating the claims of Jesus!

But God had a different plan. Jesus told him to go home. Obviously from that man’s perspective he was missing out on the action. He may very well have felt that Jesus had just sent him away with a poor Plan B. Yet Luke tells us that this man who had been given a new lease on life “went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him” (Luke 8:39).

Like that liberated man, you too may want to enter a new field that looks greener. But could it be that God has you where he wants you? Maybe the issue isn’t finding a greener field, but finding contentment where you are. How? Paul said true joy and lasting contentment comes from one source: Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:12-13).